I have a hard time talking about this painting. It's not because it's meaningless, it's really that.. well. I think you'll get it when you see it, for real.

There are very few paintings I have done that are of a real instance, or this heavily influenced by it shortly after. It was just so surreal, it even sticks vividly to me now. It was dark, there was no sound. It was like my senses just shut off, and all I could hear was myself. The person with me was the witness to the clear, open words I was thinking, whether they could really hear them or not. And I was the same kind of invasive witness to them. It was one of the very few moments I've had in a long time where I could feel like everything was absolutely real...because it was cutting so deeply into my psyche. Usually, it feels like I'm in a giant, empty, black space where the past, present, and future are reconstructing themselves constantly.

What was really happening, I guess, is mostly irrelevant. The clear connection you get out of silence and darkness was what was most important.

I tried painting multiple views, as those two views are interconnected and very important to the explanation of each other. (I guess I could've done a diptych, but it's too late to think of that just now.) They were what was most vivid in my memory. You have to understand that my memory..and most of my mind, are just shapes of light. I only painted what I saw...

Oil on canvas, BigxBig.

Copyright (c) Karolina Szablewska - 2007.